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My husband and I come from different family backgrounds in terms of size- he’s an only child and I am one of many. When we got married, the thought of having more than two children was something he couldn’t necessarily fathom. Two because it’s not one (he hated being an only child) and it’s not too many. Honestly, we don’t have an “ideal number” and most days we think one is enough because our daughter can be a handful.
A few months ago I was contacted by Dr. Alan Singer to review his book about choosing the right size for your family.
About Dr. Singer
He is a Family Therapist with an ongoing interest in family size decision making. He write a monthly column for NJ’s Home News Tribune (www.thnt.com) on Marriage and Family issues. He has been in his field for 31 years and has been featured on the Fox Morning News and MSNBC as well as being quoted in USA Today and The Huffington Post.
In this book, Dr. Singer uses snippets from real sessions that he has held coupled with research in the field to help couples make common-sense decisions on bringing a child (whether your first or an additional child). There are 5 chapters in the book:
- Why Do You Want to Have Children?
- When Is the Best Time for You to Have Children?
- How Many Children Can Your Relationship Hold?
- Small, Moderate, Large… What’s Your Ideal Family Size?
- How Do Old (and New) Family Traditions Affect Your Family Size?
Each chapter ends with statements for you to rate yourself on in order to assess the topic covered in the chapter. Responses are on a scale of Strongly Agree to Strongly Disagree and statements include:
- My child will accomplish what I never achieved.
- I want to give my parents a grandchild.
- I’m afraid of postpartum depression.
- I’m really busy at work; it’s hard to get enough time for my family as it is.
- A child (or another child) will make our marriage stronger.
I think it’s a great book for someone conflicted about having a child and looking for a way to process their thoughts and feelings. Especially if you haven’t considered every aspect of bringing a child into the world, this may be helpful for you. Dr. Singer also encourages couples to seek counseling and lists a number of resources in the book including studies cited and websites that you can visit for more information.
I think, for me, there is nothing in this book that we haven’t considered as a family, but I think Dr. Singer is just giving a realistic approach to bringing a child into the world. His point, in my opinion, is that it is something that needs to be well thought out and that maybe as a society we shouldn’t be having babies just to have babies. You need to know yourself (and your spouse) and what you can and can’t handle- physically, emotionally, financially- everything before you consider having a child.
You can check the book out on Amazon- it is available in paperback (for $6.23) and in e-book (for $5.92) for your reading pleasure.
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